I Don't Know What to Say...

Besides just thanking each and everyone of you for you continued support in the middle of everything that we are dealing with. We love each and everyone of you. Keep following up on Gavin's site for updates and of course our new friend Twitter as we keep everyone informed.


We love you guys.. so much.

Dear Gavin,

You are my beautiful little boy. For 3 years we have been by your side day in and day out watching you literally fight for you life. It is hard for me to swallow that today will be your last day fighting. I can't even put into words how much joy you have brought into our lives.

But today we are sending you home, and one day soon we will see you again completely whole.

I love you... my baby boy


Daddy

That's what we have got. Just 2 days until we move. Holy crap. If you are following Gavin's blog you know that Gavin was admitted again yesterday after only be home for 6 hours. And now we have decided that Gavin will stay in the hospital until Saturday. When they are discharged on Saturday they will come directly to the new house....which is really turning into a beautiful home. I am getting excited also the stress is starting to creep in as well. So much to do in just 2 stinking days.

Saturday the plan is to have everyone here by 9am to move all the "big stuff" over. My goal is to have the majority of the boxes moved over prior to Saturday. So the moving time should be pretty minimal when we get over here.

Things with Gavin are still pretty much the same. His breathing continues to be a major source of concern. When he was admitted yesterday they put him back on the Bipap machine. But they wanted to get him back over to the ventilator so that he can get used to that and be more stable for when we transport him home. He is still very irritable, and its very hard to get him comfortable. We want to try and stay away from the narcotics but its so hard to see him so restless. But we know he wants to be home, and that is what are plan is. To get him to the new house and let him experience it.

Thank you for all of you constant prayers. The outpouring of love for our family is so incredible and we appreciate and love you all.

Cute or Creepy...

We get the channel qubo that plays cartoons all day long. Madi loves that channel and I was surprised that it came in with only having "bunny ears". Anyways there is this one cartoon called "Maisy" that really gets under my skin. Its primarily for babies but for some reason Madi LOVES it. When she left the room i quickly changed it to the TODAY show. She came back and was rather upset.

So tell me.... CUTE or CREEPY My opinion.. CREEPY.. hands down.

(thanks to Brad for the Cute/Creepy idea)

Middle Ground..

That's what I am trying to find these past couple days. Honestly.. it has been about the most difficult thing to get a hold of. Our life holds 2 extreme situations right now. One extremely good and exciting, and the other.. well it pretty much is hardest thing a parent could have to ever deal with. So how do you handle those two opposites? How do you focus on something for longer than 10 mins? I was off this week from work and every once and awhile I would try to log on from home and do work. It takes me about 10-15 mins to get set up. I would start looking through our department helpdesk, and then I would just stare at a email for 20 mins. Trying to get the mental energy to tackle the task. Friday it took me 2 hours to complete something that should have only taken me about 45 mins. The other night I tried to stop in the house and help prime some walls. I was there for about an hour and maybe got some trim done around the doors before just thanking all the volunteers to helping and then leaving for the night. In the midst of trying to distract my mind away from everything that is going on right now it just seems so counter productive. It is just only making it harder to try and do something else.

Thinking about the house makes me happy... for a moment. But then my mind wanders to Karen, then to Gavin....knowing that they are still down at duPont. Knowing that we as a family are split right now. Wishing there was something that I could do as a husband, father to make this easier...to try and fix this. But I know that I can't fix it, and that is one of the hardest things to realize.

So I don't know if there is even a thing called middle ground in our current situation. Maybe I should stop trying to find "it". Maybe I just to try and rely a little more on Christ in the midst of our 2 extreme situations. I think I need to let go of emotions that I am holding on to because I think I can handle them.. which I know I can't. Maybe leaning more into HIM is the middle ground I am looking for not trying to find my "stable" emotions. I know that Christ is here in the midst of all of this.. I know this... maybe I need to actually believe it, and then once I start believing it He can be the middle ground that I so desperately need right now.

Thursday..

It is Thursday right?!?! The days this week are just kinda running together. Yesterday Madi and I checked out of RMcD House and came home. The original plan was that Gavin was to have his new central line replaced today. But now it is not looking to happen until tomorrow. So Madi and I will be hanging out today. Doing some stuff to get ready for the house.

As I type this Madi is watching Qubo on Tv. Whatever show she is watching right now is so annoying. I think its called "Maisy". It's right up there with Kaiou on PBS. Man oh man.

Yesterday when we got home our little beta fish Zoey wasn't looking so hot. I have never seen a tiny little fish so bloated. I didn't think she was gonna make through the night. But then we woke up today and I guess she was just MAJORLY constipated. I never knew a fish that is less than 2" could produce that much poo. Holy cow. Honestly I am surprised this fish has made it this long. These things are really low maintenance.

Today I will probably take some video over at the house. The drive way is getting re-graded to make it flat. I also think they are going to pave the drive away and the little parking pad. Then Saturday they will be back to pour the sidewalks, ramp and the back patio.

We appreciate you continued prayers for Karen and Gavin. It really sucks to be split up like this. I can't wait till they are home and we can just be together as a family again.

Gavin's House...

Here is the story the NBC10 did on the house last week

A little better...

That's how I am feeling today. A little better. The intense-ness of our conversation with Dr. Raab is slowly going away, and I am trying to look forward to living our life just like we have been.. say like on Thursday. That has always been our goal with having Gavin. To give him the fullest life that we can. Letting him experience things, seeing new places, not just being stuck in a house 24/7. Even today while in this hospital room Karen and I are looking toward the future. We were talking about heading to NYC soon. Maybe once the tree is up and the lights are shining we can take a day trip up there. Now grant it.. that trip itself will be a TON of work on our part.. but Gavin will enjoy it. He will love seeing the lights.. the decorations.. just being out and experiencing life.

This week is going to be pretty insane... because even though we are here @ Dupont we are still moving in 7 days.. 7 stinkin days. Thankfully I am only working until Wednesday so I can do whatever to get ourselves ready for the weekend. Stuff at the house is gonna be in super HYPER overdrive. I am pretty sure they are doing interior painting today the old siding is going to be removed tomorrow, they will also start framing out the sunroom. New windows were put in on Friday, and everything seems to be moving along pretty quickly.

Today looks like it should be a quiet day. But we never know for sure. Gavin is currently sleeping. Karen and Madi went outside to take some pictures because the trees down here are in full color. I am sure some of those pictures will be making their way up on the website.

You guys are amazing. Your words of encouragement truly mean so much to us. We appreciate all the prayers that are being lifted up for our family.

No Words....

Yesterday was one of the hardest days Karen and I had to face. I am emotionally spent...and have no words to even type it out. You can go to Gavin's site and read the post over there.